5 GIF Movie Reviews: “Hotel Artemis”

By Pris M. ❤  @PrisMMartinez

Okay, so I have to preface this with the fact that I was on the phone with the DMV so I was hella late to this movie. Um, I wasn’t going to let my 1.5 hours of hold time go to waste! But I still made it to the Hotel Artemis..  Granted I missed a good 20 min off the top, but I think I got the gist of it.  As always, these are my spoiler-free, contextless reactions, but you will get them if you’ve watched the movie.

  1. Who’s going to believe that Jodie Foster is unglamorously super old? You can’t diminish her light—why couldn’t she just be herself?
  2. I mean, how far away is this apocalyptic futuristic LA hellscape? I guess it is refreshing to know that iPads survive the end of the world as does white male fragility? So—I guess it’s a wash?
  3. Ilya is Reason 987 why Eric Trump should never be action star.
  4. 2018 is the year of the Blum—Jeff Goldblum is just a total babe and has my vote for crime lord of the year.
  5. Oh, man, this was like watching a slow build up to a Monopoly or Settlers of Catan game only to have it turn where everyone snaps for a violent end.

The Verdict: All-star cast, and, I’m assuming, the first 20 minutes and the last 20 minutes were the most action-packed arcs of the film—the middle was kind of—eh. Would I watch this again in theater—maybe not—but will I watch it again if it is streaming on Netflix—most definitely. So, the choice is yours, there is definitely some eye candy in the film—Sofia Boutella, Dave Bautista, Sterling Brown, Jodie Foster (she’s still got it), and of course, the Blum. The plot is not so strong, BUT I can definitely see some cult movie appeal–


What are your thoughts? Do you think there should be a Hotel Apache sequel?

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